The Ballroom of Sacramento

This is a very cool website for swing dancing. Yes, it's in Sacramento, CA but if anyone lives near there, it's an awesome ballroom. They teach practically everything-salsa, tango, west coast swing, east coast swing, waltz, country line dancing, you name it. Just thought I'd put this out there in case anyone would be interested.

A Love Never Forgotten

This picture is of my now ex-boyfriend and I on Valentine's Day 2006. (It's a bad picture of me; my face looks different now. =)

When I was 20 years old, I met a man who was 9 years my senior. He worked in the same building I did, even the same unit. He gave me a secret admirer "St. Patrick's Day" card on March 17, an it took me a few days to figure out it was him. That's how we met.

We started talking and emailing frequently, as friends. Something drew me to him, something I still can't explain. He was incredibly attractive, charming, hilarious as anything...and he had a terrific smile. We soon found out that we had sign language in common- we had both taken it at the same college in fact (except he had taken it about 4 years ago, and I was still currently in the class). That really started things up. We'd meet at Starbuck's down the street from work, and sign like mad. Trying not to speak, we'd sign each other flirty questions and confusing answers. We laughed until our sides hurt. Within a week, I knew something was different about him than anyone else I'd ever met. It was like instant attraction- no, not lust. Attraction to his personality, appearance, attitude, outlook on life, etc.

After about a month, we decided to "take the big step" and become exclusive, in othe words, date only each other and basically become "boyfriend and girlfriend." I had never been this happy in my whole life. Granted, I was only 20 at the time (about to turn 21) but he was amazing. I just had to be around him, he was so funny, so sweet, very respectful.

Within the next few months, we'd already had our share of meaningless breakups. I had had only one other relationship (which resulted in marriage....at this time I was currently separated from my husband, soon-to-be ex-husband- yes I know.....believe me it's complicated) compared to him having about 15 previous relationships. We soon developed a strange pattern: we'd be fine...things would start to get tense...things would get ugly...we'd break up.....a few days later we'd be back in each other's arms. This happened countless times over the course of our 1 year relationship.

After about 4 months, I was completely smitten, in ever facet of the word. And he was too. People said (including both of our parents), "there's something different about you two. You both look so happy with each other." And we were. We really were. Sure, we'd sometimes have little arguments and spats, but we did our best to get over them and move on.

After about 6 months, I honestly saw him in my future. We had a lot in common, we were getting along really well (side note: at this point, we'd already achieved a lot of growing in our relationship. We'd ironed out most of our problems, and were getting along really well for an extended amount of time). My parents even called him "FSIL" (pronounced "fiss-ul", which stands for Future Son-In-Law). My parents enjoyed his company every time I brought him over to dinner, or to have Friday night movie night, etc. And his parents really seemed to like me. For the most part, I felt welcome both at his mom's house and his dad's house.

After about 9 months, we'd hit a peak in our relationship. We talked about the future, about how happy we were with each other. At this time, we were both in college taking several courses, including the same sign language class. We were still signing to each other like crazy, going out all the time whether it was bowling with friends, going out to see a movie, going clothes shopping with each other, going to a sign language event..we were madly in love. We couldn't get enough of each other. It was almost too good to be true, I was entirely and completely happy.

After that, things went downhill. His mother's health quickly deteriorated and she was soon hospital-bound. We recently learned that she had pancreatic cancer, and would not be with us for too much longer. The doctor's gave her 4 months to live. Now, our time was mostly spent at the hospital. We visited his mom every chance we got. We brought her flowers, stuffed animals, we played cards with her (and were good sports when we lost, which was often). Unfortunately, as predicted, she passed away right around the 4 month mark. Never have I seen him so sad and angry. I tried my best to be there for him during this awful time, to be his shoulder to cry on, etc. But I guess it wasn't enough. Our relationship turned stressful. We argued more frequently. I wanted so much to be there for all him, I put all my energy into that, but it didn't seem to be enough.

So...1 year. That's all it lasted. Within the past 4 months (December-April), he became a very bitter person. Mean and angry, he would throw out hurtful insults at me for no reason during an argument. I tried to remain strong, but always ended up getting emotional and sometimes crying hysterically. I tried desperately to figure out what happened, how to solve it, and how to prevent it from happening again on my end. He tried that too, but that quickly faded. As of 4/9/06, we are not together anymore. I lost the love of my life that morning. He walked out of my house saying that he never wanted to see me again, that he didn't want to try anymore. All I could think of was trying again...yes, I was hurt. Yes, I felt crushed. But my everful hopeful mind thought "this next time will work out. Things will finally get better." I was always optimistic. I always tried to stick it out, make things work.

I used to think that love would conquer all....I am a romantic person, I think that love is very powerful-beyond words. I was, am, and always will be in love with Austin. Even through all the arguments, the hurtful words, the yelling and screaming, I still love him. On one hand, I'm sure that makes me sound weak or something to that effect. But I truly believe that few people in this world will ever share a love like we had. One that is so powerful, so consuming, so real.

I have no choice now. I just have to get over him. We still see each other at work, and are somehow able to talk to each other in the hall, saying "hi' and "how ya doin?". How we're able to do that after all this, I don't know. All I know is that no matter how pathetic this sounds, I will always love him. Okay, this is getting depressing......signing off for now.

Car Thieves

=( Someone broke into my car early sunday morning and stole my black jacket and some shoes that I had in the trunk of my car. They broke the driver's side window, and so far, that's the only damage I've noticed. What a pain in the butt it is trying to get a car fixed!!! I went to the police department this moring, filed a claim, then called my car insurance company. Thankfully, they found a car repair shop that can come out tomorrow morning to my house and fix my car there.

What a hectic weekend..

And while I'm on a complaining spree, I've got a headache....

But, everyone else have a nice day...and enjoy your cars!! =)

Juliet